Ideally, we would never lie to our partners or be lied to, but people are complicated, and sometimes they make mistakes. Now, they’ve broken that agreement and your trust.” This is also a deal-breaker.” That’s because, she explains, “you and your partner agreed upon a correction. “For example,” says Winter, “They told you their flirtation was over, that they’d ended the affair, were clean and sober, didn’t gamble the rent, etc. The same goes for partners who break the agreements caused by previous lies. “The root cause of their need to lie is too deep for your love to fix.
“Chronic liars are unfit partners,” Winter warns. While the experts’ advice is great for a single instance of dishonesty, chronic lying or large intentional deceptions are a different story. It’s important to remember that all lies are not created equal.
She suggests explaining how their actions hurt you, rather than “having one person be wrong and one be right.” “Remember, it takes two to form a relationship dynamic,” Masini says. But placing blame won’t create a safe space for communication, an environment both of you are responsible for curating. When wondering what to do when someone lies to you in a relationship, it’s easy to turn to pointing fingers. “You’ve asked them to trust that you wouldn’t punish them for sharing the truth, so prove you mean your word.” If you begin with the understanding that the truth is more welcome than a lie, you’ll create an environment of trust.”Īnd of course, this should be backed up by your actions. “This should be a foundational part of your relationship. “Establish the premise that it’s OK to tell the truth,” Winter says. In addition to setting boundaries, it’s important to make sure to create conditions where your partner is able to keep their promises by creating a safe space for them to be honest. Later is often better because it gives you time to compose your feelings and what you want to say." “Sometimes you’re so hurt and flustered, that you’re not focused and composed and you can’t bring it up in the moment,” she previously told Elite Daily. But if you are concerned that you won’t be able to confront them calmly in the moment, then relationship and etiquette expert April Masini suggests taking a step back. If your boyfriend or girlfriend lies to your face, it can be helpful to address that in real time, so you’re not bubbling up with resentment or anger days later. “Let them speak without your reactivity refrain from commentary until they’re fully expressed themselves.” This puts the ball back in their court and forces them to answer,” says Winter. “If you catch your partner lying, calmly call them out. It can be really hard not to lash out in the moment, but try to resist the urge. The key to doing this correctly, NYC relationship expert and love coach Susan Winter tells Elite Daily, is to do so calmly. Here is how they say to respond if you are ever in a situation where you've caught your SO in a straight-up lie.įirst thing's first: When your partner lies to you, it’s time to call them out on it. So, to help find out what to do when someone lies to you in a relationship, I consulted the experts. Your instincts may be to lash out in defense, but if what you want is actual resolution and for the behavior to stop, following those instincts may not be the most effective path.
What I'm saying is that being lied to by the person you love just plain sucks - and while you shouldn't have to put up with it, knowing what to do when your boyfriend lies to your face can determine whether your relationship survives dishonesty or will be doomed by it.ĭoing the "right" thing in the moment is especially hard, because being betrayed, even in small ways, might bring up a lot of feelings. Obviously, some lies are bigger and more devastating than others, but even small little white lies that accumulate over time can feel like a thousand punches. There is nothing quite like that sinking feeling in your stomach followed by the flash of anger and hurt that comes when your partner lies to you.
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